Entry: Impact? As in a long slow car wreck? 11/28/2005

Well, I did my pilot exhibtion and they came and they ate my cake and they looked like they were listening and they clapped at the end. And I asked some questions, and they asked some questions. And only now do I realise, a week later, that I never got any answers.
So I have no feed back - none, as in, not any. I can cross structured focus groups off my list of data collection methods, and evaluation sheets too. Oh, and individual interviews of both a structured and unstructured nature, and informal conversations as no-one likes to be quoted when they are just chatting, so what's left?
Nothing much.
Two main ones so far
1. I am rubbish at this - this seems to be Stephen's favoured position. He thinks I must have sounded like an expert and they were intimidated into silence by me.
Does he realise these people are mostly teachers and I am a TA? They are not intimidated by me..... I think. I mean, but maybe he's right. How the hell should I know how I sounded? They won't tell me and I'm way too embarrassed to ever let anyone hear the audio recording.
It didn't feel natural standing up in front of them telling them stuff. It doesn't fit my prefered pedagogy. I'd rather have got people doing something real but that wasn't possible.
Pesonally I incline more to the belief that I bored them into a sort of trance.
2. I was talking to the wrong people. Somewhere - out there there are people who might be interested in what I'm doing. But not in my workplace - which is a kicker when this is a workplace based degree.
I left work having been close to tears all day. I knew this. I knew they weren't interested, so why does it hurt so much?


December 5, 2005   12:02 PM PST
Haven't got much energy to write much - don't know if you watch the 'X' factor but Chico, who was voted off, said somethiing quite profound on Saturday - along the lines of :

Some people cry when something's finished but I rejoice because it's happened -

sending you some hugs (((Linda)))and hope you can find something to rejoice in...
Richard Millwood
November 29, 2005   11:55 AM PST
I am quite certain (in a kind of religious way!) that you are not rubbish. I have spoken publicly, as a teacher, as a lecturer, as a governor, as a keynote speaker many, many times in my life. Always I have been uncertain about impact and rarely has anyone given me helpful feedback. So what's left as an evaluation? Well your own view is no bad thing. Also, have you seen any change in subsequent days, in conversations or actions on the part of your colleagues? It may be that you need to keep your eyes peeled for signs for some time to come! I do wish you all the best in this - impact is often a slow burn, but I know it wasn't a wreck.
November 28, 2005   11:59 PM PST
Poor you Linda - don't be too downhearted. I fear that i may suffer the same fate next term. I don't know what year three entails or how exactly i will'exhibit' but I'm not looking forward to it. My colleagues are 'Dr's' and 'Prof's.' and a degree to them is yesterday's news - like GCSE's are to me.

I have no answers, sorry- but at the end of the day you've tried and maybe you can use your 'negative - ish' experiences to your advantage
somehow in the write-up?

Chin up:-)

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